rah rah sis boom bah

inability to sleep
snow
cold
cold snow
ice
winter
that dog that barks outside my window every morning
the car alarm that goes off outside my window all night, every time the train goes by
the train
my lack of motivation

from now on, i'll just weigh myself with the scale on the bathroom rug instead of on the floor. it's a great way to lose 11 pounds instantly.

i've never owned a scale before, mostly because i have an overall "i don't care about my appearance" punk rock/riot grrrl ethos that doesn't include caring what i look like. i've noticed, too, that the people who are most obsessed with their appearance and from getting attention from the opposite sex (or same, or whatever they're into) are the most insecure and tend to have the worst luck in that stuff. overall, my weight has fluctuated and changed a lot over the years but i am happy where it is now. i could be more inshape i guess but i hate exercise, so probably not going to happen. i mean, i know what i look like, i like what i look like, and it's not like i have a problem getting male attention, because 1) i'm breathing and female; 2) i'm confident, interesting, cool, funny, and nice; 3) i'm cute and i have a nice rack. turns out that boys like all that shit.

anyway i wanted a scale because i was talking to my friend, who i think has some body image issues (i mean everyone does of course, but some people worse than others), although he shouldn't because he is totally hot. somedays you have fat days, you know, where you just feel fat. i've noticed for me that it happens when i either laze around too much or feel crappy about something else in my life that actually matters. anyway i don't want to waste time worrying about fat, because, really it's not important and i think women are taught to be overly obsessed with our appearance so we don't have time to worry about important things that could help us improve our lives. like career advancement and self improvement and shit like that. who has time to worry about all that stuff, take care of their family, and be beautiful and have nice clothes and shoes and makeup and whatever else. so anyway he tells me that when he has a 'fat' day, he weighs himself. and he noticed that his weight fluctuates within 1-2 pounds but even when he is having a 'fat' day, his weight could be at the lowest part of the fluctuation. that helped him realize that it's really just about image and not about reality at all. so i got a scale, and i'd like to say, he is right. my weight fluctuates between 136.8 pounds and 138.4 pounds, on a day to day basis. it was worst the day before my period. today i felt like i was having a fat day and it was at 137.5. right in the middle. silly.

not sure what point i'm trying to make with this but just wanted to share some of my thoughts on something. this is the only thought i've had today that was worth sharing.

xo